10.1.00 - 22:57:36
Special private Internet message to RENATE:
Chickie,
click here. Click it RIGHT NOW!
- end of message -
October is here! October is here!
My very favorite month in the whole wide year!
(And it is NOT because it culminates in my birthday on the very last day.) I love October because it because it really is fall now. No more Mother Nature, in cahoots with the weather guy on channel five, sneaking humidity into my life and onto my already frizzy hair, no more heat bugs interrupting my sleep with their screeching and clicking, and no more coming up with excuses as to why I won't wear a bathing suit and swim in your pool (none of those reasons, by the way, have ANYTHING to do with being a size 12, okay? NONE of them!).
Crisp clean air! Burning leaves! Pumpkins! Foliage! Cider! Mountain hikes! County fairs! All these things make October THE number one month. All these things, PLUS (after all that, can there BE a plus, you ask? Yes! Yes there can!) I have the best birthday of anyone I know.
Halloween.
Of all the holiday birthdays one could have, Halloween is by far the coolest. There are no weird religious overtones, no risk of maybe getting gypped on presents because it falls on one of the other big gift holidays, it's not a big date night so the pressure is off, and there are no family obligations. Halloween consists of only candy and fun. CANDY AND FUN! Costumes and paper bats and rubber spiders and jack-o-lanterns and ghost stories and hayrides and spooky movies and tricks and treats.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world!
There is a problem, however, and because I like you, I'll share it.
I'll be 36 this year. THIRTY SIX. That's halfway to 72. I'm pretty sure that's too old to be referring to yourself as, "the luckiest girl in the world" AND getting all jazzed up about a cat costume, ghost confetti and miniature 3 Musketeer bars.
So here's the deal, Hula calls me a "birthday pig" and I'm convinced it's because I don't have kids of my own. I'm not sure I'd make a great mom, but I'd be a fun mom. Anyway, I'm feeling a little weird about being a birthday pig at my age. It's not . . um, it's not . . .it's not, well, dignified.
But, I just can't help it. I'm a dork. So in the spirit of Halloween and dorkitude and birthday pigishness, here's the cheesiest thing you'll ever, EVER see me do (and with the exception of trying this again at Christmas, the ONLY time you'll see me do it).
My Wish List
Remember, this is NOT a ploy to get you to give me things. (Well, maybe it is, but don't feel obligated, okay? I still want you to like me and all.)
WAIT! Here's a reason to like me! Here's a reason to be proud of me! Here's a reason send me things!
The Face of a Non-smoker
Alright, five days isn't any big deal, but um, a month WOULD be a big deal, right? Gee, that would be right around . . . when?
Notified readers are the ONLY readers who know what I'm saying below.
Okay, notified readers and CHEATERS know what I'm saying below, but the CHEATERS don't count.
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Tbbq guvat ur'f n avpr jba, be V'q or ernyyl cvffrq. Ol gur jnl, vs lbh ner FGRIR Q naq lbh ner ernqvat guvf EVTUG ABJ, lbh pna znxr vg nyy hc gb zr ol pyvpxvat gung JVFU YVFG yvax hc gurer. Bxnl? Tb nurnq. Pyvpx vg!
