10.8.00 - 23:37:59
The fog has lifted, at least temporarily. I awoke yesterday with nary a sense of dread or doom and actually experienced something close to joy. Yippee!
I also had a wee bit of a breakthrough. Part of the Smoking Cessation Study I am participating in involves speaking to a psychiatrist. When she asked me on Friday if I had noticed any benefits from not smoking for over a week, I racked my brain, I really did, but I could not come up with one thing that was better now than it was before I had quit. In fact, life was a lot better WHEN I SMOKED. So I told her, in all honesty, "Not one goddamned thing." She said she appreciated my candor, but I suspect she was expecting a different answer. Probably something that had to do with clearer lungs, and better tasting food. Maybe an "I feel good about myself," or an "I like saving money." Well, I didn't feel good and I didn't want to save money. I wanted to smoke, and study be damned, that's what I told her.
But that was Friday, and today is Sunday. What a difference a day (or two) makes. While riding the L Saturday, some dude got on and sat next to me. Now this was not a problem but after a minute or so it happened. I got a whiff of him. He didn't just smell like cigarettes, he reeked of them. I never in my life smelled that another person was a smoker. The scent was oppressive and grossly offensive and it was while I was mentally upbraiding him for stinking up my air that the thought occurred to me. That I used to smell like that. ME! I used to stink! Gave me the creeps when you get right down to it.
Some other outstanding events have occurred, assisting me out of my funk. I present them to you in no particular order.
- We are now a two income family again! That means I can return to Italian, and Guitar and even Pilates if I want to!
- The Chicago Film Festival has begun and while this event was previously depressing the shit out of me as a one income family, two incomes allows us to partake in as many movies as we please! We started with "Best In Show" last night, and while we didn't get to meet Christopher Guest, it was introduced by none other than the venerable and multitalented B-Grade superstar, Fred Willard. Lordy I love good schlock, and Fred Willard delivers mighty good schlock.
- There is the off chance I may be going to Cannes in May. FOR FREE. Holy Guacamole, I'm about soiling my pants right now thinking about it. It requires me running around a lot and writing up dailies for an as of yet unnamed periodical, but . . . CANNES! I think I may explode. More on this as it develops. But first, if I go, here is where I will be staying.
- Okay I can't tell you the fourth thing because I might jinx it. I'll only say that it's a job I'm submitting a resume for and it's a seriously kicky one. If I get an interview at this particular CHICAGO INSTITUTION, you will be the first to know.
- Wait! There's a fifth thing. It involves spending a perfect sunny and chilly October morning at the Morton Arboretum. We stocked up on black coffee and munchkins and drove out there early today. We reveled in nature and got back to the city just BEFORE the giant power outage that shut down Chicago. I'll admit it, right here and now. I work for the responsible party. Is it any wonder I'm looking for something else?
I'm doing okay.
Notified readers enjoy a substantially more fulfilling sex life.
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