5.8.00 - 19:31:53
While I don't want to get all "meta" on you again so soon after the Pinch Parody Page, I feel compelled to respond to this fresh attack on my general character. Unlike you "goths", "vampires" and "Mayfair Witches", people such as myself, those afflicted with the dork gene, just don't get it. So consumed are you by affecting a look or a mannerism in order to be "hip" and "with it", it never occurs to you that my kind have been dorks since birth. Shunned and mocked since the playground, our lives are steeped in the cruel taunts of those unable to accept our inherent dorkitude.
Our lack of grace and our social ineptitude is hardly something we have worked assiduously for, with keen insight into the future cultural phenomenon of Dorks as Heroes. We pushers of AV carts and wearers of Earth shoes and wide white belts had no idea the likes of Bill Gates, The Wiener Dog, Mary Catherine, and Steve Forbes would become our icons and our champions. Revered.
All we really wanted was to be invited to the popular girl's sleepover party and maybe (hope beyond hope) asked to the 8th grade dance.
Of COURSE I only chronicle the funnier side of dork. The dark side is a sad and self-pitying place, and one which no reader, let alone myself, would tolerate. Do you WANT to know how I was so frightened of my prom date that I spoke not one word the entire six hours we were together--so mortified in the end that I ran into my house and cried for days? Do you HAVE to know about the attention getting lies I told in grade school about my meeting my father for the first time after he was in the war for 10 years? Or that I claimed to be colorblind until I was hit on the head with a brick at eight? Do you NEED to know about the Dorothy Hamill haircut? My Teen Beat Bay City Rollers cover collection? My Andy Gibb T-shirts? That I still sleep with a stuffed animal?
I think not.
What one diarist wrote as my, "I'm a dork and you're not, ha-ha-ha!" attitude is simply one of self defense.
If suffering is indeed hip, I'm laughing through my tears, Marquis. Laughing through my tears.
